two by two: my daughters

One day, my beautiful girls, it will be just you two.

You will be the Graham family. You might have new last names, but you will always and forever be Grahams.

And you will always and forever be sisters. Best friends. Confidantes.

It will be you two that remember the embarrassing stories, the family vacations, the secrets, your weird daddy and your silly mommy.

Please be kind to each other even when you don't want to.

Take care of each other, not because it's your job, but because it is your joy.

I sometimes worry that two isn't enough, that you need more siblings to help you, for later.

And there was a moment where that was to be true.

But I believe that for us, for you both, two is good. You can handle the sole responsibility to love and care for each other, to be a family when we are no longer here telling you how to be, what to do, how to love.

Hopefully you'll have learned a few things from us and learned more things for yourselves.

And I trust that two will be enough, that with a God bigger than I could even imagine, you two, my precious babies, will be enough for the world.

I guess the bigger question is is the world ready for you two?

(I've had some requests for pin-able images so hopefully these will help!)

power is like being a lady...

My children hate to have their nails trimmed.

It's traumatic and chaotic and any other adjective that ends in -tic that means not going well.

Ellie cries the whole time. Harper has to be physically restrained by Chris while I do the dirty work. Most of the time it's funny and entertaining how hard those two fight against a nail trim. Occasionally it's annoying and frustrating.

But what I love is their fight.

My children are fighters.

And not in the physical sense where they want to be violent (although they do like to hit each other when they think we are not watching), but in a way that makes them never give up. They are persistent and focused and driven.

When Elliott was about six months old and her personality was just beginning to really show itself, I mentioned to a group of my colleagues about her stubborness and it being a battle. One of our seasoned counselors who is just the wisest of wise said that trait could be a blessing or a curse depending on how I looked at it.

That conversation has stuck with me.

I want to look at my children--all parts of them--as blessings as opposed to something I have to live through. Their strong will is from me and while I'm sure we will have battles (hello, teenage years), I want to never forget that who they are and what they are becoming is a good thing.

The traits that they have are from God--and I can help nuture them and make them great and benefit His kingdom or I can try to squash and control them, try to "fix them" in my eyes. 

I really don't want to feel like I have to fix them.

Margaret Thatcher once said "Power is like being a lady...if you have to tell people you are, you aren't." I want my daughters to know they hold such power, determination, resolve and focus, but that picking your battles is part of that power.

I'm learning a lot about power right now. What it means and what it doesn't. What it can control and what it can't. And how power can hurt or help.

My prayer right now is that my husband and I can mold and encourage our children in all their strong willed spunkiness. That we can help them use their powers for good instead of evil. That they will be world changers and know the power they hold---and use it wisely.

Elliott Quinn says.

(pants: Old Navy, shirt: Living with Less, sweater & flats: Target, scarf: gift)

My daughter has started to call me "Big Mama."

Chris thinks this is hilarious, I do not.

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One night toward bedtime, Ellie sat down to watch a cartoon.

Me: "Ellie, I'm going to get in the shower real quick since I'm still sweaty from the gym and starting to get itchy."

Ellie: "Can you just sit next to me and I'll itch you?"

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Elliott attends preschool on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. At dinner those nights, I ask her how school was and then she asks me how my school was. I think she believes we do the same things all day--coloring, puzzles, singing, and painting. It's going to be terribly disappointing when she learns what middle school is really like.

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While driving in the car one day, Ellie asked how to spell "no babies allowed." She was three at the time but knew all her letters and understood enough about word spacing that you'd just have to tell her the letters and she could write it correctly. She got done writing the phrase on her Etch-A-Sketch and then handed it to her baby sister and said, "Here Harper, get out."

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If Elliott Quinn makes it to five, it will be a miracle.

in the blink of an eye: four

I would like this post to be all about how time flies. I would like it to be all about how my baby turned four last week and I can't believe it.

Even as I type that my daughter is four, I don't quite comprehend it.

But as any parent knows, time goes too fast.

Not the day-to-day, that can sometimes drag. Some moments--some good and some bad--seem to last forever. And there are days when I can't wait for bed time. Not mine, but my children's.

But today is not one of those days. Today, I want time to slow down, for my baby to still be a baby. For the most important part of our day be snuggling on the couch together and getting some tummy time.

But she's got things to do: coloring, video games, wrestling with the dog, and make-believe with her stuffed animals. Big kid stuff.

At some point today, she'll crawl into my lap and ask to have a book read to her.

And in that moment, I'll hold her a little tighter than normal. I'll breath in her strawberry-scented hair a little deeper than last time and I'll read just a little bit slower.

She won't notice a difference, but I will.

And that will be enough.

five for friday

Another Christmas-themed high five for Friday, what a surprise.

In the spirit of the David Letterman Show, my top ten five favorite moments of the week:

5.  Elliott's Christmas program at her preschool.  It's embarrassing how giddy I get during this.  And seriously, my daughter is the cutest three year old in the world.

4. Christmas morning at home.  This was the first time since Chris and I have been married (so six Christmases) that we got to just be at home on Christmas morning.  For those of you that get this pleasure every year, I'm extremely envious.  Obligations keep us super-busy the week of Christmas but due to an unexpected illness (see #1) and my sister's daughters spending Christmas morning with their dad, we got to spend a lazy morning at home.  My parents and brother stopped by to check out the girls presents and then later, Chris' mom came for a visit.  It was relaxed and slow and what we want to do every year.

3.  The day after Christmas came our first big snow in a few years.  Our city told us to stay off the roads and we oblidged.  We got a cozy day at home while a snow storm raged (we ended up with about 8 inches--great way to break in the snow suits and boots Santa brought the girls!).  It was the perfect day-after-Christmas spent playing with new toys, watching movies, and cleaning up the tornado that is Christmas day.

2.  Chris and I don't really do Christmas presents for each other--it's normally something big for both of us (a new TV, a shiny new garage door!) but I did manage to score a pretty awesome scarf under the tree this year.  I love Target.  Oh, and Chris Graham.

1.  We spent Sunday and Monday with a severely sick three year old.  By Sunday night she had been throwing up for over twelve hours and our on-call doctor told us to head to the ER.  Once we were at our local children's hospital, they hooked her up to some IVs and then admitted her because of some concerns over her blood sugar levels.  We made it home on Christmas Eve afternoon and we still able to hit most of our Christmas gatherings with a tired, but fully recovered, preschooler.  It was the best Christmas present ever.

I hope your holiday was amazing--we still have three more to go and then we'll be done.
Merry Christmas!
Mary

Linking up with High Five for Friday with From My Grey Desk blog.

because you do what I can't: a gift

We take teacher gifts very serious in our house. 

Not just because I'm a teacher and I've received some pretty awesome gifts through the years, but because I have the upmost respect for anyone that has to teach my daughter anything.

Because that might be the most trying thing in all the world.

We had lots of fun putting together Ms. Sena's and Ms. Patrice's gifts this year and Pinterest came in handy multiple times.

Oatmeal Chippers in a Jar 

Chocolate Pretzel Rings

Peppermint Pretzel Bites

(I bought peppermint Kisses, added red food coloring,

and then decorated with sprinkles or crushed up candy canes.)

World Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Almost World Famous Banana Bread

A winter-themed fleece blanket + our family's Christmas card
(I picked up these blankets after Christmas last year super cheap at Kohls--like less than $4 each.  I normally grab a few deeply discounted after-Christmas items to use for gifts the following year and have yet to regret it.)

We put all the stuff in medium utility totes that I ordered from Thirty One Gifts. They were the perfect size to hold all the goodies and will be great to carry back and forth to school.

I am so thankful that we found a small preschool that Ellie loves to go to with teachers that take such good care of her.  It really is a gift to be able to teach small kids. 

A gift that I seem to be lacking.

Do you do teacher gifts?  What do you get your kids' teachers? (If Pinterest stuff isn't in the schedule, I say you can't go wrong with a Starbucks gift card. *hint, hint*)

celebrating the every day.

We had dinner at my grandparent's house recently.  As we sat down for supper, I noticed the glass goblets my grandma had set out for my two children to use. 

My one-year-old and three-year-old children. 

I mentioned this might not be a good idea, but my grandma insisted it would be fine.  We had a sippy cup for Harper, but Ellie, thanks to GG, got to drink out of a pretty fancy cup while not eating dinner.  She thought she was pretty hot shit.

And she was, actually. 

She was very careful and attentive as she sipped her homemade apple cider at the table.  I was impressed.

Later that night on the drive home, I was looking at the pictures I took of my children while we were there.  Drinking out of glass goblets, roaming the yard I used to play in as a child, running around the barns I knew growing up, and it hit me.  I understood why my three year old drank out of an antique glass at dinner that evening.

Something my grandma understood because she's just so wise.

(Doesn't everyone have a bird church in their yard?  Well, they should.)

Why do we save all our best for others? 

Saving our finest for a special occasion that might not ever come?

My wedding china is sitting in a box in our basement.  I don't think we've ever actually used it.  I'm afraid it will break.

But in the grand scheme of things, who cares?  My wedding china doesn't matter at all.

My marriage, that matters.  My family, that matters.  Feeding my friends, that matters.

My wedding china doesn't matter.

And that's what my grandma knew as we ate dinner that night.

Because living into your mid-eighties teaches you things.  It teaches you that eating dinner with your great-grandkids on a crisp fall evening is special.  It shows you that a three year old drinking homemade cider from trees in your yard should be made important because it is.  It reminds you what's worth getting out the fine china for and what's not.

So tonight, we're eating dinner on our wedding china.  We might just be having sandwiches, but this life, this time we have, it's worth celebrating.

Thanks, GG, for the reminder. And cheers.   

when it's all said and done.

There's a constant struggle inside of me.

The mom versus the teacher, taking care of my own kids or someone else's.  Getting these papers graded with constructive comments so that 93 students can become better writers or playing outside on the swing set with my two little girls.

Sometimes other kids come before my own.

Ellie went back to school this week and I missed it because I was at work.  At the exact moment she was being dropped off, I was discussing the importance of setting to a story.  I know what I was doing because I was watching the clock, completely distracted from what my students were saying, just praying that Elliott Quinn would have an amazing first day of school.  That she wouldn't be afraid or nervous, that she would remember all her friends' names, and that everyone would be nice to her.

I admit I was feeling a little sorry for myself. 

I wanted to be with my three year old and not with 31 seventh graders.  I wanted to see, in person, what those neon green skinny jeans (that she picked out all by herself) looked like on her little chicken legs.  I wanted to be there to put her hair in a ponytail (a "small one in the back that hangs down" as she requests).  I wanted to hold her chubby little hand as she walked in to see Ms. Patrice and Ms. Sena for the first time in months.

I chose to become an educator for many reasons, some selfish and some not.  But as my kids get older, I realize that a decision I made twelve years ago will always be in the way of their school experience.  No room-mom duties for me, no lunchroom visits, no class parties, or special programs.  Those are things I don't get to do for my own kids.

And that just bums me out.  A lot.

Tomorrow I won't be so emotional or whiny, I know this is just one day.  It was actually a really good day, and it's only as I sit here with everyone in the house asleep that I get a little reflective on this choice I made, to choose other people's kids over mine.  And I'm just wondering if some day I'll be sorry.

 

five for friday

1.  We're finally getting some rain around here and Elliott decided to squeeze her 3 and 1/2 year old self into an 18 month rain coat and go dance in some puddles.  These pictures are horrible, but I was too chicken to leave the porch for a better shot.  She just kept screaming, "I love the rain! This is so fun!"

2.  For real, did this week just fly by?  I don't think it should be Friday yet (although I'm not complaining either!).

3.  I love Everybody Everywear weeks.  Have you checked out my monochromatic look?  Or everyone else's?  Fun stuff.

4.  Student highlights for the week: best compliment was when a student asked me if I used to be a model.  I almost died laughing.  Then later the same day, a different student asked if I had any grandkids.  The build up and tear down all in one day. Presh. (I share more school-related gems on Twitter so get in on that action if you want. @themarygraham)

5.  I've already got my ticket to Influence Conference in October, but if you still haven't got yours yet, check out this giveaway.  And hopefully I'll see you there!

good news and bad news

First, the bad news: I went to Barnes and Noble last night to buy the sequel to this book and they were sold out.  So disappointed.  Luckily, a nice worker-man offered to order it for me just as my daughter was flipping through a book and ripped a page right out.  That was an awkward moment as I stared down at her and she sat there frozen on the floor with the page dangling in her chubby little hand.  But then the so-very-nice worker-man said, "don't worry about that, just put it back on the shelf" and walked away.  So the book should be here within five days (just in time for vacation) and I didn't have to buy a book that Ellie destroyed.  So bad news with a little good news thrown in.

And now for the better good news.  I'm participating in Lena at Mom2MemphisandRuby's summer series Fashion Days and I'd love for you to stop by her blog and check it out.  That cute, tattooed mama is a girl after my own heart, I know you'll love her.

what I've become.

I have become a mother that puts bows in her daughters' hair.

My twenty-something self would be so ashamed.

helicopters

Super-pumped it's the weekend.

We've got nothing to do.

And it's going to be grand.