power is like being a lady...

My children hate to have their nails trimmed.

It's traumatic and chaotic and any other adjective that ends in -tic that means not going well.

Ellie cries the whole time. Harper has to be physically restrained by Chris while I do the dirty work. Most of the time it's funny and entertaining how hard those two fight against a nail trim. Occasionally it's annoying and frustrating.

But what I love is their fight.

My children are fighters.

And not in the physical sense where they want to be violent (although they do like to hit each other when they think we are not watching), but in a way that makes them never give up. They are persistent and focused and driven.

When Elliott was about six months old and her personality was just beginning to really show itself, I mentioned to a group of my colleagues about her stubborness and it being a battle. One of our seasoned counselors who is just the wisest of wise said that trait could be a blessing or a curse depending on how I looked at it.

That conversation has stuck with me.

I want to look at my children--all parts of them--as blessings as opposed to something I have to live through. Their strong will is from me and while I'm sure we will have battles (hello, teenage years), I want to never forget that who they are and what they are becoming is a good thing.

The traits that they have are from God--and I can help nuture them and make them great and benefit His kingdom or I can try to squash and control them, try to "fix them" in my eyes. 

I really don't want to feel like I have to fix them.

Margaret Thatcher once said "Power is like being a lady...if you have to tell people you are, you aren't." I want my daughters to know they hold such power, determination, resolve and focus, but that picking your battles is part of that power.

I'm learning a lot about power right now. What it means and what it doesn't. What it can control and what it can't. And how power can hurt or help.

My prayer right now is that my husband and I can mold and encourage our children in all their strong willed spunkiness. That we can help them use their powers for good instead of evil. That they will be world changers and know the power they hold---and use it wisely.

jumbled up and messy: when nothing makes sense.

(my first baby meeting my last baby)

There was a large part of me that hesitated to share my story of accidental pregnancy and miscarriage with the world. It felt too easy, because not many people knew, to sweep it under the rug. To carry on and not share.

But then there was this very small part of me that wanted everyone to know.

And that's the part that prevailed.

I struggled with admitting that I got pregnant--without trying--and didn't want to be pregnant, because I have so many amazing people in my life that long for babies and don't have them. I'm a part of a beautiful online community where I've read story after story of couples that struggle with infertility and are draining themselves and their resources to have a baby. And my heart hurts for them. With that in mind, I was afraid my words would add pain where no more was needed.

I wrestled (and still wrestle) with a lot of guilt for bad thoughts I had when I was trying to come to grips with being pregnant. The shock was literally overwhelming and I thought bad things, wished for bad things, and felt extremely sorry for myself. In my head I know that I did not cause my miscarriage by my bad thoughts. But my heart is having a pretty hard time coming to terms with that one.

I'm mad at my body for not being able to do what it's supposed to. To create something that was so easy the first two times--why didn't it work this time? Then I start thinking about wanting and longing for a baby and losing it--I can't put in to words how that makes me feel. And what it makes me feel when I look at my daughters.

I have such a confusing mix of emotions that at times I'm not sure how I feel about no longer being pregnant. I mourn for the baby that was in my womb and now isn't. But it doesn't make me want to try for another one. This roller coaster ride has only confirmed in my head that two is good, that we are done having kids. The miscarriage did not flip some magical switch that shined light on my hidden dream of a bigger family. It actually did the opposite.

Yesterday's post was written two days into my miscarriage. I was raw and exhausted. And it's taken me two and a half weeks to write about it again. To begin to process and understand. But writing about it has been the only time I can cry, really cry, about what has happened. Sobbing, actually. Sobbing that hurts my body, makes everything clench up and, later, leaves me feeling sore and tired.

As a writer, I like to end things neat and tidy. Let my writing come full circle, not leave things unfinished and messy.

But right now I can't do that, I don't have answers, just lots of questions. I don't have comfort yet, or peace. I don't have lessons that I learned or good that has come from this heartache.

Right now, I just have mess.

I know answers and peace and lessons will come from this. I trust completely in my God to redeem this story. Redeem my mess.

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.       
-Ecclesiastes 3:11

But I'm not there yet. So bear with me while I just share the mess. Because, really, it's all I have right now.

///// ///// ///// ///// ///// ///// /////

And because I'm uncertain and listening so hard for Him right now, I decided to leave the radio on a Christian station the other morning as opposed to immediately changing it to NPR like I do every morning on my way to work (my husband had been in the car the night before). The next song was this one and I've been listening to it non-stop since it stopped me in my tracks that morning on my way to school. It's my prayer and my cry right now.

devotions for everyone! {a giveaway}

In keeping with my new year's resolutions, we've been doing a new devotional set as a family. In an effort to always have a devotional handy so there's really no excuse to not do it, I keep this one at work and Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young at home.

Jesus Calling is written from the point of view of Jesus as if He were speaking to you. It's very encouraging and draws you in from the first day. Our church is doing a series on knowing the heart of God and this devotion has been a great pairing for what I'm learning on Sundays (actually, we go to church on Saturday night, but that's splitting hairs...). To be a Christ follower, you have to know who you're following, and through this devotion, I can feel that happening. As someone who has a really hard time finding a devotional book that I actually like, I highly recommend you pick this one up if you're in the market for a new one. Definitely worth your time.

As I've been using Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence, we've been using Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Kids by Sarah Young to have conversations with our daughters. This devotional book is definitely geard toward older kids (upper elementary or middle school) but we've used the conversations and scriptures in Elliott's devotion time. She and Chris normally do it while I'm at school (and recently finished this one), but the conversations that have started from this book have been profound and beautiful. And, of course, Ellie loves sitting down to read with her daddy.

And finally, LullaBible: Baby's First Bible Stories & Songs by Stephen Elkins is part song book, part baby book with a CD of favorite Bible songs and hymns. And the great part about this CD is it's not something you dread listening to; it's calm and beautiful with 20 songs that you'll be happy to have playing in the background as you play with your kids. We keep it on repeat in the playroom and I'd like to say it's got a soothing effect on my children, but that might be a stretch. And as a mama who has two baby books with lots of blank pages, I love the "Moments to Remember" journaling sections that are quick and painless. Plus, a little better than the baby book ones if you ask me. This book would make a great baby shower gift for a first-time (or fourth-time!) mom. (Check out the inside here!)

And now the best part! I've got a copy of each of these books to giveaway--that means three books and three winners! Just enter below using Rafflecopter.

The fine print: I have been gifted copies of these books by the publisher to review on my blog. All thoughts and opinions are mine. Giveaway open to US residents only. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

where I put on my rose-tinted glasses and forget the rest (or having a half-full glass)

[source]

I prefer to call them "goals" as opposed to "resolutions," but looking at what I wanted to work on in 2012, I'm happy to say I did some things well:

-I'm not sure I'd go so far to say I was a better friend, but I did write more notes and make more phone calls.  Which is major considering I hate talking on the phone.

-I read more adult books.  Probably not enough since I do love YA lit more than most, but I've also got a nice stack of grown-up books ready for 2013 so I'm going to keep this goal for next year too.

-I did play more and be more transparent, but there's always room for more there, too.

-Wearing out the gym membership was accomplished! Things got a little busy as the fall approached, but I'm looking forward to more time soon so I can make the gym 3-4 times a week again.

-I managed not to wreck any vehicle so there's that.

And since I'm all about being positive, I'm not going to list the failures from the list.  But there were some.  Okay, more than some.  Use your imagination.

I would like to say I'm a better mother than this time last year, but some days that's not true.

I would like to say I've grown as a teacher this year, but some students would disagree.

I would like to say my marriage is better and stronger and wiser than it was last year and I'm probably right on that one.

I would like to say I'm kinder, smarter, more patient, and slower to anger than last year.  But really, that just depends on the day.

This year has been full of surprises, blessings, and successes. 

It's also been full of chaos, hurt, failures, and shortcomings, but I'm thankful for those just as much as the positives.  Because while I can't  (and probably won't ever) see the big picture, I have a God who does. 

And that makes it a good year.

and his name shall be called

[source]

There's lots of reasons to be celebrating right now: friends, family, food, time off work, presents, maybe a nap or two.  But my wish for you this Christmas is the truest gift of all, the Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas, friends.

when there are no words.

used-clothing boutique

On Saturday, it happened.

After six months of collecting clothes, money, and supplies, we set up our used-clothing boutique for under priveleged teens at a local community center.

Through generous donations of clothes and/or money from our friends and loved ones, we were able to bless over 30 girls and send them home with a trash bag full of clothes, gift bag of cosmetics, and bellies full of pizza and desserts.

It was exhausting and trying and the devil is good at interferring when you're trying to serve God, but we survived and hopefully were able to show them a glimpse of God's love for them. 

Imagining those girls at school today wearing their new clothes and feeling good about themselves makes my heart happy.  And, I bet, God's too.

(This idea came from Erin at Living in Yellow and her project through The Shine Project.)

(P.S. Extra credit if you can spot any clothes I've previously worn on the blog...)

Our Money: Part Five

If you're just now joining the money series:

Part One: the book that changed it all

Part Two: our debt

Part Three: teaching our kids

Part Four: our budget

I feel it's important, when talking about this money-change we're going through, that I tell you what God is doing through it.  Because just being good with money isn't a Christian principle, lots of people can do that.  But being worshipful with money, that's what God wants.

We committed years ago to tithe and we have not stopped.  Before we were married, I tithed but not regularly.  I do not know if Chris did.  But here's what I do know: that since we've started tithing, we have never gone without.  We have had every need met, had every bill paid, always had food on our table, never had an expense that we couldn't handle. 

We have always been taken care of. 

Always.

Have there been times we haven't been able to eat out like we wanted? Yes.

Have we had to pass on vacations or shopping trips? Occasionally.

But there has always been enough money.  Hospital bills, new furnaces, new air conditioners, need for an extra vehicle---everything has always been there when we needed it.  Family members calling to say they had some extra money they'd like to bless us with, an unexpected check in the mail, a perfectly timed raise.  Things that you couldn't help but know God had a hand in because that money came at just the right time or a bill in the exact amount we were able to pay. 

He promises to take care of us if we honor and follow Him.  It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

Is getting to be debt-free going to be hard?  Absolutely.

But I believe that's what we should be working toward and I trust that it will happen.  But we need His help because I'm weak and the mall is soo close.

If you're just starting to think about getting rid of debt and have questions, I encourage you to read The ABC's of Financial Freedom.  It will challenge you.  It did us.

It's also peaked my interest about other financial books (something I never would have read before).  What book do you recommend?  Have you read any that rocked your world like this one did ours?

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED.

Our Money: Part Four

This is part four in my series on our money.  Past posts:

Part One: The book that changed it all.

Part Two: our debt

Part Three: teaching our kids about money

On our quest to live debt-free (in accordance with the Good book and The ABC's of Financial Freedom) we've been working on our family budget.

Chris and I took a financial class through our church before we got married.  It wasn't Financial Peace, but followed some of the same principles.  And since we've been married (over six years), we've been on a budget.

I get paid every two weeks and Chris gets a paycheck every week.  Mine is the same amount each time because I'm salaried, but Chris' varies greatly.  It's anywhere from $50-$200 depending on how much he worked and what jobs he did (Chris stays home with our girls and works one night a week and occasional Saturdays.  In the summer when I'm home, he works full time).  So we do our budget solely off my paycheck and look at Chris' income as extra. 

Our budget is broken down into two parts: the first pay check of the month and the second.

With our first pay check, we pay:

-our mortgage

-for groceries ($175)

-for gas for both vehicles ($100+/-)

-our electric bill

With our second pay check, we pay:  

-our cell phone bill

-buy groceries ($175)

-for gas for both vehicles ($100+/-)

-our life/car insurance

-our internet bill

-our natural gas bill

-my student loans ($225)

-our tithe

-our Visa (for monthly charges we are in the process of transferring to our checking account : Hulu, Netflix, YMCA, etc.)

One monthly expense we don't have in the budget but normally is paid for with Chris' pay check is Elliott's preschool.  She goes two mornings a week and Chris' income pays for that.

We have $125 that comes directly out of my pay check and into our savings account as well as retirement investments.  We also have pre-tax money that goes into an HSA account that covers things like doctor visits, prescriptions, eyeglasses, etc.  Of course, that's in addition to health, dental, and vision insurance for our family and an employer-related life insurance policy on me.  After typing that, I just figured out where all our money goes each month.  Geez.

We're still trying to re-vamp some things based on the lessons we learned from the series our church did on Cameron's book.  We really just need about 10-12 hours more in the weekend and this could be accomplished.  Actually, a whole day would be nice.  Maybe we can get it done over the upcoming four-day weekend.  Fingers crossed.

We follow the above budget religiously.  It's simple and easy to follow.  Any extra money is money for frivolous things like eating out, clothes shopping, presents, etc.  One of the things we need to do with out new budget is allot a certain amount of money for those things (a clothing budget, an out-to-eat budget, a birthday/wedding/shower budget, etc.) instead of just spending what's left.  Because sometimes it's more than we need to spend, but we spend it because we feel like we can.

At the end of the sermon series over The ABC's of Financial Freedom, Cameron came to preach at our church.  One of the things he said was you would never just go to the refrigerator and decided to eat everything in it, so why do you look at your checking account and think you should spend everything in it?  That was eye-opening for me.  If it was extra and it was there, we were spending it.  So we're working hard on just having extra and not feeling like it has to be spent immediately.  This is harder than it sounds because, you guys, I love spending money.

Two random side notes:
1. Because we follow the above budget pretty religiously, twice a year we end up with what we call an "extra" pay check because we get so far ahead in our bill paying.  Extra money to save, buy something off our "needs" list, or put toward our next vacation.
2. We keep our budget, bills, needs list, and a list of money goals in our financial binder.  It's nothing fancy, just a binder from Wal-Mart that has expenses, payment schedules, our wish lists, and a couple folders in it.  It's just nice to have it all in one place and I pull it out every two weeks to pay bills and balance the checkbook. 

There's our family budget in a nutshell--do you have a family budget? Who pays the bills in your family?  I'm always interested to hear how other households work and curious about who handles the money.  Budgets: yay or nay?

Our Money: Part Three

(This is the third part in my money series.  See parts one and two here.)

One topic that is covered often in The ABC's of Financial Freedom has to do with children and finances.  Cameron talks frequently about what his family did to get out of debt, how his children contributed to the goal, and what everyone in the family gave up to make this goal a reality.

This lesson was important for us.  We want to raise kids who are money-wise, God-honoring children.  We want them to understand our family's finances and appreciate money so they don't leave our house as college-bound kids with skewed views on money (and debt!)  And I believe that process should start sooner rather than later.

As I was reading the book, it made me thankful for parents that felt this lesson was important to instill in their children also.  I grew up doing the things that we're now doing with Ellie and, while I might not have liked it at the time, I appreciate those lessons now.

In brainstorming ways to help Ellie "earn" money and then learn to tithe and save that money, I came across this post from Simple Mom about kids and chores.  She had a free chore chart I could download that was very simple and set up well for small children.  We printed it and have been using it every week since.  What I like about it is you can customize what chores you want your child to do (most of them are things Ellie already does, but now we make a bigger deal out of them and reward her for doing what we ask).

The chart starts on a Monday and Ellie gets a sticker every time she does something on the chart (clean up her breakfast dishes, feed the dog, help set the table for dinner, clean up toys before bedtime, brush her teeth without a fit at night [side note: this is a huge problem for my daughter--she stalls at bedtime almost nightly and we wrestle to brush her teeth, it's exhausting].  She gets to pick out the sticker (which takes for-e-ver) and then put it on the chart. 

We do this all week and then on Sunday evenings, we get out our jar of nickels (we decided on a nickel per sticker and then went to the bank and got a few rolls).  She gets to put a nickel on each sticker, we work on counting, and then she puts them in groups of ten.  She doesn't know it, but we do a little percent math with her ten nickels: one nickel goes in the God jar (her tithe), two nickels go in the Savings jar, and the rest goes in the Ellie jar.  We talk about why we give God some of the money He helped us earn and that Mommy and Daddy do the same thing.  We talk about saving up money for big stuff (like college, but we don't use those words obviously), and then how she still has lots of money leftover to spend on whatever she wants. 

Each Sunday morning, she empties out her God jar and takes it to church for her offering.  She hasn't spent too much of her money, but Chris did let her go to the store once and pick out some candy (Starbursts, FYI) and he said it was cute and maddening all at the same time as she paid with her handful of nickels.  (Another side note: she then inhaled half the Starbursts in the car while he wasn't looking.  Good Daddy.)

Even though our daughter is only three, starting this routine now will (hopefully) allow her to make better money decisions as she gets older.  We'll probably start this chart with Harper soon also.  Not because a one year old needs chores, but because she sees her big sister do it and wants to be included.  So why not?

This jar system that we use is exactly what my parents with my sister and me when we were little.  I had to tithe and save a portion of everything I made--it really sucked.  All I could think about was what I could be doing with that extra money.  As an adult, I know that logic is wrong and I hope as we go through this with our own kids, we'll be better at creating worshipful hearts about money.  We'll see how that goes. 

If we want our kids to follow our lead, we have to be intentional about the money conversations we're having with them and show them what we're doing with our money.  Because we're serious about leading by example.  There's just no other way.

This chore chart and allowance thing is a work-in-progress.  What do you think? Do your kids earn money doing chores?  Do they get an allowance?  I've read lots of thoughts for and against allowance/chores so I'm interested to hear what you think. 

Our Money: Part Two

If you missed the start of this series, check this post out first.

In our quest to live debt-free (this is a long-term goal, there's nothing quick about it), we had to sit down and list out our debt.  Which was eye-opening since I felt like we didn't have much.  Well, what we have is just a few loans, but in large amounts.  I have selective memory that was serving me well until recently.

So here's how the Graham family is applying the principles we talked about on Monday:

-I have about $15,000 in student loan debt. Some undergrad, but mostly it's from my master's degree. That will be paid off by December 2013.

-We own two homes: the house Chris bought and lived in before we were married and the house we live in now, that we bought after being married for about a year. We rent Chris' old house out and that covers the mortgage. We don't make any money off of it, they're basically just paying our mortgage every month. Once the student loans are paid off, we will concentrate on paying that mortgage off in seven years (or less). Did you know that paying your mortgage and the next month's principal cuts your mortgage in half? I didn't, but I've asked around and apparently that's pretty common knowledge.  Oops.  The rental house has a little over $74,000 left on it.  Once the student loans are paid off, that will free up an additional $250 a month to put toward that mortgage.  We'll also chip in the rest of the money so that we're always paying next month's principle with the current payment.  According to our plan, this won't start until January 2014.

-We have a Kohls card with about $400 on it.  This one is my fault.  And it has been taken away from me for the good of the family. 

-I don't like the idea of automatic payments coming out of my checking account because I'm afraid I'll mess something up and overdraw it.  So we have our gym membership, some random monthly Thirty-One business supplies, and our Hulu/Netflix fees put on our Visa.  It's in the budget to pay the whole balance off every month, but this summer, I didn't do that.  So now there's $900 on that credit card.  I'm in the process of having all the monthly charges moved to automatic withdraw from our checking account.  I'll have to be more aware of what that account looks like, but we're spending money we have as opposed to money that we will owe later.  We need to be totally paycheck-reliant and not charge anything to a credit card.

-Both Chris and I will create and maintain our family's budget. We've been on a budget since getting married over six years ago. And I've always been in charge of our finances: I pay the bills, I budget the money, I make sure we have a savings account, I make large financial decisions. I do all of this alone. I'm not going to lie, I like it that way. Chris doesn't care, I do and so I do it. But that's not how it's supposed to be. Chris is accountable for our finances just like I am. And sometimes I don't make the wisest choices with our money and no one holds me accountable. This is something that is being worked through right now.

-Changing our tithing. I can say, through no power of our own, that we have tithed regularly since we got married. There has been four times we have not and I remember them vividly. But according to that book, we haven't been tithing correctly. We tithe monthly to our church but only half actually gets to our church. We made the decision years ago to send half our tithe to some missionary friends. We wanted to support them in their ministry and used part of our tithe to do so. But through this book, I realized what we were doing wasn't what God intented. Our tithe, all of it, must go to God. If we want to support missionaries, donate to a good cause, or help a family who is struggling, we can't take our tithe to do that. Which we have been doing. Also, there has been multiple times where a family member was struggling and instead of writing our tithe check to the church, we just sent that money to someone. And that's the difference between tithes and offerings. Those should be extra, those should be offerings, but my tithe is for God only. This is where the debt thing comes in also--if we were debt free, we could easily support, donate, or share our extra with others. But if all our money is tied up because we owe others, we don't have the ability to minister to others with our resources. I kind of felt foolish after learning about this one.

-Being an example to our daughters. This will be addressed in part three which will post on Wednesday.  We had some pretty strong convictions in this area and that deserves its own post.  But making sure our daughters are learning about money from a biblical standpoint is very important to us.  Right now they're only one and three, but there are things we're doing now because it's never too early to start.

-We do not have any automobile debt.  We drive older cars so that we can afford to have Chris stay home with the girls.  This is a constant struggle for me because I have some pride issues with driving an older vehicle.  I'm working through those, but I do get caught up in the idea of having a nice car often.  This book reinforced our decision to drive older, paid-for cars, but I'm just going to say I'm still not happy about it. 

-Our family budget is also for an upcoming post.  Where all our money goes because it feels like it all goes out and none of it ever stays with us.

So what do you think? Is this plan to be debt-free crazy?  Do you have debt?  I would feel a lot better about myself if you could go ahead and tell me all about your finances in the comments section...thanks. 

Our Money: Part One

Recently our church ended a six-week series on money using The ABC's of Financial Freedom.  This book pretty much rocked my world.

Our church bought every family a copy of the book which is good, because I really do judge a book by its cover and I would not have ever read this on my own.  True story.

But now that I did, I feel like Chris and I need to reread it once a year to make sure we're on track with our finances and to help us stay focused.  It's that good, guys, really.

I know as a Christian I'm supposed to tithe.  I got that lesson in VBS way back in elementary school.  And while I also understand about being good stewards with our money, sometimes I felt that we needed some specific instructions.  I'm a pretty straightforward person and I like you to tell me exactly what you want from me.  It just makes sense in my very black-or-white mind.

And this book was a no-holds-barred slap in the face for me.

And I loved it.

Here's what I learned or had reinforced from this book:
-Everything you have is God's so giving him back ten percent shouldn't even be a second thought.  It should be the first check you write.  He gets the first, not the leftovers. (Malachi 3:10)

-Anything above ten percent is an offering.  When the Bible says "tithes and offerings" those are two separate things.  A tithe is your ten percent and an offering is anything on top of that that you give.  I didn't know or understand that before. 

-You can not tell God what to do with your tithe.  You're required to give it and trust that it will be used for His purpose.  Which is where the church and the leaders of your church come in.  If your church is lead by Godly leaders (truth: not all churches are), then they get to decided--with God's leading--where that money goes.

-Any debt is bad debt.  Owing anybody anything is not what God intented.  If you owe someone money, they own your paycheck. (Proverbs 22:7) And when you owe money to others you have less money to bless others with. (Proverbs 11:24-25; 2 Corinthians 9:10-11) I was always told that some debt, like my student loans and my mortgage, are not "bad debt"--everyone has those!  But that's a worldview, not a God view and it's the wrong thinking.

-All debt should be paid off within seven years.  Did you know the first mortgages were for a length of seven years?  That's straight from the Bible (Deut. 15:1).  But in our greed, we keep buying bigger and better and needing more time to pay for it since we can't really afford it to begin with.  Again, that's the world getting in the way of God's way.

-I saved the best for last: do you know who is keeping you in debt and barely making ends meet?  God.  Shocking, right?  When we take our eyes of God, when we aren't giving back what He's given us, when we aren't being good stewards of our money, why in the world would God give you more?  That's like giving a 16 year old a brand new car and after they total it, giving them another brand new one.  If you can't make good, God-honoring decisions with what He has given you, why would He give you more?  Yikes, that one was a rude awakening for me. (Deut. 8:19-20)

(Side note: when I say "give you more" I don't necessarily mean money.  More blessings from God doesn't only come in the form of financial blessings.  Health, happiness, children, safety, family, peace, those are all blessings too.  Sometimes while reading this book, I got distracted by the idea that most people [myself included] think of blessings in only the financial sense.  And then I would think about those TV evangelists that convince people to send them money, claim that God wants you to own big houses and yachts, and then later are convicted of embezzelment.  So I just thought that might need to be said since I thought it.  I guess I'm just hoping I'm not the only one that thinks things like that.)

As I was hearing this sermon series, I was moved to write about it.  You know I have a powerful reaction to something if my first reaction is to write about it.  For me, writing makes sense of the jumble that's in my head.  So that's what I'm doing, sharing how this applies to my family and our finances.  I think as a Christian, I'm accountable for how I live my life, how I use my resources, and how well I love others.  And our finances play a large part of that.

So I'm going to be transparent with you.  Tell you what we're good at, what we're not good at, and where we struggle the most.  In hopes that it makes you think about your finances differently, using your resources for God's good and glory.  Money is a touchy topic and I get that completely.  It makes me slightly uncomfortable thinking about some of the things I'm going to tell you.  But God doesn't call me to be comfortable.  And I'm trying to listen more.

So join me Thursday for part two.  I'm going to tell you about our debt.  It's going to be super fun.

(see part two here)

let's go, it will be perfect.

(photo credit: Elliott, age 3)

(again, photo credit to Elliott Quinn, age 3)

The good news is I figured out where they film all those cool east coast movies with the funky college town, beautiful views, and great houses.

Ithaca, New York.

Guys, we all need to pack up and move there immediately. 

It's that good. 

I don't know if it was my frame of mind, the complete exhaustion from going non-stop for the week before our trip, or the incredible beauty that surrounded me, but I got a lot of stuff figured out while in Ithaca. 

And that was good for my soul.

We spent a lot of time hiking and playing in some pretty amazing state parks.  And being surrounded by such beauty, my mind kept coming back to that verse in Luke that says "I tell you," he [Jesus] replied, "if they [the disciples] keep quiet, the stones will cry out."  (Luke 19:40 NIV)

If we fail to worship God, if we fail to praise Him for all his glory, goodness, and honor, the rest of His creation will do it for us.  Because creation screams His name.  It was so apparent during the days we spent in Ithaca that my God loves me. That He has great things in store for me and that if I just stop trying to do things my own way, He's going to write me a much better story.  And it will be bigger and better than my small mind can even dream of.

I'm taking comfort that He promises in Matthew to take care of me.  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  (Matt. 6:26 NIV)

I know this season of unhappiness and discontent is just that, a season.  And while I dream of things I never thought possible, I see doors being opened and needs being met in ways I don't even understand.  But I know my God is good and there is joy in my heart.

You can't come back from such a perfect place as Ithaca, New York, see all the things I saw, and not be moved.

Try it, I dare you.

a prayer for contentment

(skinnies: Rockstar skinnies from Old Navy, blouse: TJ Maxx, sandals: Kohls, bag: Steve Madden via TJ Maxx, watch: Kohls, bangles: various)

I'm being very specific in my prayers this week. 

I think there is something very bold in that.  I know my God can handle it, but it still feels very risky.  Me telling God exactly what I think I need.

But I know I'm struggling and need some help.

I'm asking to be content, specifically with my closet. 

I know that sounds silly, but it seems to be taking up too much of my life: window shopping, browsing the internet, ordering online, shopping in stores, feeling I have to use this great coupon I got in the mail.

And I have a lot of clothes.

I've always been a shopper.  Always.

Now I'm trying to be more of a keeper.  Because as much as I was shopping, I was getting rid of stuff just as fast.  I'm completely obsessed with organization and keeping things tidy.  So instead of buying less stuff to put in my closet, I was just getting rid of stuff all the time to make room for more.

And now it's getting to the point where I miss some of the things I've gotten rid of. 

There's a natural weeding-out process that's happening now that I've lost 25 pounds.  Some things just don't fit anymore.  Some things are too big to be belted.  It doesn't matter how much I loved a pair of jeans, it still feels good to not be able to wear them anymore.

So I have been getting new clothes more rapidly lately because of weight loss, but I need to cool my jets--I don't have to buy something every time I step into a store or get on the internet.

So my prayer right now is for contentment.  This is a prayer that comes up a lot for many different reasons and right now it's about something that seems so silly but can effect so much.

God, please allow me to see your big picture and care less abou instant gratification.  I want to focus less on this world and more on you.  Please help me to say no, be patient, and use my resources in a more worshipful way. 


Linking up to The Pleated Poppy, and Rolled-Up Pretty.