national honesty day

(skinnies: Target, top: Forever 21 [old], cardigan: Old Navy, wedges: Target)

I really don't care about "national blah blah blah week." I find it silly.

But today is national honesty day and I'll use any excuse to tell my thoughts on things. Things that swim around in my head just bursting to come out.

Or something like that.

Honestly...I hate posting pictures of myself on my blog. If I could find someone else to wear my clothes and I could be behind the camera, I'd be happier.

Honestly...those last fifteen pounds are the absolute hardest to lose. I'm getting NO WHERE, people.

Honestly...my children are spending the night at my parents' house this weekend and it can't come fast enough. And it's only Tuesday. Geez.

Honestly...I'm feeling distant from my God and my Bible right now. It's just a feeling and I'm not acting on it, so it's no ones fault but my own. But that's where I'm at.

Honestly...I'm more tired than I've been in a long time. And I can't figure out why.

Honestly...I want someone else to find me a new job because doing it on my own isn't working. Also, I'm lazy.

Honestly...I'm in a dry spell for writing. I write whole posts in my head while I'm driving. I feel inspired and full and bursting to write. But the minute I get in front of the screen, I'm empty of all words.

Honestly...I wish summer would get here and I could be outside all the time.

Honestly...I want nothing more than to go to my favorite restuarant, Shallos, and eat a whole order of their homemade chips and ranch right now. I want to do this just as bad as I want to lose those last fifteen pounds. I am a giant contradiction.

It's national honesty day...what do you need to get off your chest today?

_______________________________________________

I announced the winner of the movie night prize pack from Thomas Nelson Publishing. Did you win?

_______________________________________________

Linking up with Passion for Fashion with Lena B, Actually.

back to it.

(girls' dresses: Old Navy, my dress: Kohls, and belt: Old Navy)

I'm not really sure two weeks off can be bad, really.

We painted, home improved, road tripped, shopped, celebrated Easter and a cute two year old, played outside, worked on our fitness, took naps, shopped some more, and made some pretty big, life-changing decisions.

I've got lots to share in the coming weeks: room redos, fun projects, new clothes, and maybe a move. Who knows. A lot happened in two weeks.

I'm back in school today, glad for a routine, and less chances to spend money. Vacation is expensive.

Hope you had a great weekend. We're finally experiencing some warmer weather and my pale legs are so happy to be out and about.

polka dot pants & seven things

(polka dot pants: Kohls, blouse: Marshalls, heels: Target, necklace: Lisa Leonard Designs)

At my 6th grade basketball awards ceremony, I got the coveted "In Your Face" award for having the most blocks that season.

It was one of my finer moments and all due to skill and not the fact that I was just taller than everyone else.

I'm sure of it.

As a sophomore in high school, I earned the "Most Improved Writer" award with my friend Ryan for a couple hard-hitting pieces we did for our school's newspaper. One being on where to get the most burger for your money. We had a fancy graphic and everything. It was groundbreaking and saved tens of teens fifteen to twenty cents.

So it's probably no surprise to everyone (read: my mom), that I received another award a couple weeks ago.

The awesome Lena at Lena B, Actually, nominated me for this award. There are rules and obligations to this award, but I'm not very good at following the rules. So I'm just doing the part I want to do which is sharing seven random facts about myself because who doesn't like to talk about themselves as much as possible, right?

1. I talk in my sleep all the time. I used to sleepwalk pretty frequently too, but haven't done it in years. Although, I have recently started sleephitting. It's obviously lots of fun to sleep in a bed with me.

2. I'm tongue-tied, literally. Look it up for weird pictures.

3. If you don't know me in real life, you probably can't tell by pictures, but I'm really tall, like 5'11''. At some point after I turned 30, I realized that I wasn't getting any younger and if I wanted to wear heels, I needed to do it now. So I've been buying and wearing heels ever since. And I don't regret it one bit even if I'm occasionally 6'2''.

4. I don't care what time of year it is, I only take scalding hot showers. Like burn-your-skin-off hot. They are glorious.

5. I am addicted to diet Mt. Dew. You don't want to know how many I drink every day. (three to four)

6. I can't tell you the last time I did a load of laundry. Some of you just had a heart attack with that sentence, but I honestly can't remember the last time I did laundry. I know it was sometime in July, but not specifics. Because Chris is a stay-at-home dad and I work full time (and more), it's his responsibility to wash, dry, and put away clothes. I'm not going to lie, it's magical and I don't miss dirty clothes one teeny tiny bit.

7. I am obsessively neat and tidy. My house is never messy. It might be dusty, but never messy. I am constantly picking up after my children (and husband and dog), straightening books, fluffing pillows, and putting up toys. It's a sickness really. But on the plus side, my house is always ready for company.

So what do you think? Do you have any deep dark secret you need to share? Can you at least come up with something weird so I don't feel like such a freak right now?

how it really goes {merry christmas to you}

My gift to you: bad pictures of me.

Merry Christmas.

For every picture I post about what I wear, there are fifteen bad ones I delete.  Minimum.

Or, in this case, compile in one spot for your viewing pleasure.  You're welcome.

Now if that doesn't make you feel better about yourself than I don't know what will.

I hope all of today's photos are picture perfect since you know they'll end up on facebook soon.

Merry Christmas, fools.

a new beginning & the plum dress

(dress: Apt. 9 at Kohls, tights: old, blazer: Candies, booties: Vera Wang for Kohls)

And I'm back.

That was a glorious three weeks off, if I do say so myself.

I definitely needed it and am feeling refreshed.  My funk is pretty much gone.  I've got more answers than questions right now (but there are still some burning questions). 

I'll share some of my mess this week, so bare with me.  And those that left encouraging comments or sent emails: it's nice to know we're not alone in this crazy place and that people I've never met face-to-face can be so encouraging.  I hope to be able to return the favor one day soon. 

Thanks for sticking around and for those of you that have checked my blog daily awaiting my return.  You have been noticed and I appreciate the silent nod of support.

just having a moment

I'm currently in a funk: a work funk, a writing funk, a shopping funk, a reading funk, a social funk, heck, I might even be in a shower funk right now. 

I've got tons of writing I'd like to do.  I think constantly of the fundraising gala I went to last weekend and the girls I learned about.  I want to tell you all about their lives of being sold into sex slavery and the amazing organization founded by my friend Chris who is helping to buy girls out of this life, equipping them with skills to make a living, and loving them for Jesus.

I want to tell you about a blogger meet-up I went to this weekend and, while it didn't turn out like planned, it was exactly what I needed.

I have tons of photos to edit, lots of thoughts swirling around in my head (some life-changing [is teaching right for me anymore?] and some not [should I have bangs again?]), things I want or need to share. 

Writing is good for my soul.

But I'm unable to focus on anything at the moment.  I feel drained and wordless and tired.

I'm saying this because I might be gone for a couple days. 

Or longer. 

I don't know.

But there is truly no crisis.  My family is fine, my marriage is fine, my house is fine, we have food on our table, and everybody is safe. 

I'm just in a funk and need to spend some time working my way out of it.

And when I'm out, you'll be the first to know. 

Until then,
Mary

funk.

Pretty much nothing is getting done around here lately.

No house cleaning.  (I literally typed that post and then went to back to bed.)

No laundry. 

No blogging. 

No showering.  (See title: funk.)

Nothing.

And I don't know why.  There's no reason for this blah-ness, but it's basically making me unable to do anything but sit on the couch and read books.

Okay, really I'm doing other stuff, but not stuff I should be doing.

And I'd really like to shake this feeling, but so far, I can't.

So I thought I'd share it with you.  Not the feeling, just my thoughts.

That is all. 

things my pinterest boards want to tell you.

(source)

(source)

(source)

(source)

(source)

And then this one which isn't normally something you'll find on my Pinterest boards, but I just can't stop laughing about it.  Work it, guuurl, work it.

(source)

One more day until the freakin' weekend!  Holla.

things you could live without knowing, but I'm telling you anyway

-Not to be completely dorky right now, but I got new pens at work yesterday and while getting ready this morning, I was excited to come to school and write with them.  Yes, I'm serious.  In my head, I was dreaming about my new pens.  Feel free to leave sarcastic comments below.

-My three year old, until last week, still slept with a pacifer.  We could not get rid of it.  There were lots of tantrums, crying, and screaming (from both Ellie and myself) so that I had given up the fight to get rid of it.  Then Chris took her to the dentist on Wednesday for a cleaning and they commented about her soon-to-be bucky teeth and that the permanent ones were starting to be effected.  That is when Chris Graham took charge of the paci situation and got rid of it.  It's been a week now and after countdowns, charts, stickers, some setbacks, and lots of crying (mostly just Ellie this time), we have a three year old that sleeps without a paci.  So a new big kid bike is on the shopping list.  She deserves it.  Actually, we all deserve new bikes after this week.

-There are 20 days of school left. 

-We're taking the girls camping in a few weeks.  We've reserved a camp site, Chris has aired out the tent, and I've started making packing lists.  This could go horribly wrong.  If anyone would like to talk us out of taking a one year old and three year old camping, please leave convincing arguments below.  Please.

-In class, I'm working on a poetry unit with my 7th graders.  Today I brought in Elliott's book, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, to teach repetition and rhythm.  If you have not read this children's book before, I highly recommend it.  We used to check it out at the library all the time and then Ellie's aunt Becky gave it to her as a birthday gift.  Good gift, Becky. I will be reading it with my mom voice to groups of 35 thirteen year olds.  I'm sure they're going to love it.

-My friend Krissy is at the hospital right now pushing out a baby.  This makes three girls for her and her husband.  Fun, exciting, and scary all at the same time. 

-I've been hitting the gym most days after school recently which is why there is no what-I-wore post for Wednesday.  Also, my camera is dying after a tussle with a four year old where the four year old came out the victor.  I did have the money to buy a new, better one, but we've been putting off buying a new air conditioner for our rental property and the time has come to fork over almost $3000 for the new one.  And it is so painful I can hardly stand it.  Sometimes being a grown up sucks.

That is all.  Happy Wednesday.

when it's nice you go outside

And when it rains all day like it did on Saturday, you stay in your PJs, watch lots of movies, and order pizza for dinner.

terry & chris

The house next door has been vacant since we moved into our home four and a half years ago.

Then a couple weeks ago, someone finally moved in.  A lady from a block over bought it, fixed it up (a little), and then rented it out.

So on a sunny, clear, uncharacteristically beautiful Saturday morning (March 24th, to be exact) Terry and his son, Chris, moved in.

Terry is sixty-ish, likes to smoke on the back patio, and is wheelchair-bound.  Chris is thirty, autistic, and goes on multiple daily walks around our neighborhood.

I learned all those things in the exactly four days they were our neighbors.  But I'm still haunted by Terry and Chris, still look for them every time I'm outside playing with my girls, still long to smell the smoke that I despised when Terry would be outside.

It's amazing what can change your heart.

The Tuesday afternoon after they moved in (March 27th, to be exact), an ambulance, fire truck, and a sherriff pulled up in front of their house.  Chris was losing it in the front yard--and even now as I type this I feel so helpless for him--as paramedics wheeled Terry out on a stretcher, his lifeless body gray and rigid.  They didn't cover his head and had left the plastic resporiator tube hanging out of his mouth. 

They loaded him up into the ambulance and then the ambulance just sat there.  There was no rushing to the hospital with the sirens blaring.  There was no lights flashing and no frantic driving.  It was not going like it should.

And so Terry's body laid in the ambulance as Chris paced the front yard and the cop tried to figure out what happened.  That scene haunts my dreams.  Chris' hands flailing about and the moaning.  I know those things will never leave me.

The ambulance finally pulled away and the landlord showed up to take Chris.  And since then the house has been empty again.

It's been fifteen days and there is still no Terry.  Chris has been by a couple times to get the mail.

Last weekend some of Terry's family (friends?) stopped by to go through the house.  Chris (my husband) and I both, at separate times, made trips out to the garage to "check on stuff" so that we could hear what was being said.  Not to be nosey and spread gossip, because we were genuinely concerned about that man and his son.

The words we heard were not promising: life support, ventilator, hospice.

We've learned since that visit that Terry had been unconscious most of the day and Chris just thought he was sleeping.  Terry is diabetic, has kidney problems, and many other health issues. 

That poor boy sat all day with a dad that he thought was sleeping but was actually in need of medical attention.  That just breaks my heart.

And we now know that Terry won't be coming back home.  That the boxes will never be unpacked.  That the house will again sit vacant until another tenant can be found.

It's not the empty house that worries me.  It's Terry and how his life will end.  It's Chris who has (for some unknown reason) no other parent around.  Chris who has to deal with knowing he sat all day while his dad was dying.  What will become of that boy?  That boy who is my peer, but can never live on his own the way I can.

I have many regrets about the whole situation: why didn't I choose that day to take the banana bread over that I had made to welcome them into the neighborhood?  Why did I just stand in the kitchen while Chris freaked out in his front yard for the whole street to see?  Why didn't I go to him and try to help?

As soon as I stop thinking about it for a second, I look outside my window and see the house.  Or I glimpse Chris stopping by to pick up the mail.  There are constant reminders of this incident, my lack of response, and my remorse.

This haunts me. 

Terry and Chris.  They lived next door to us four days.  Not even long enough to unpack the boxes that stare at me as I look through my kitchen window. 

Four days. 

by the numbers

pins I've recreated or tried from Pinterest this week: 4

bloggers I'm going thrifting with today: 1 (this one)

books I've read over spring break: 1

gym visits: 2

naps: 1

blog posts I've started over break but not finished: 13

texts from my husband about cats doing the nasty outside our bedroom window as he tries to sleep: 1

days left until I return to school: 4

and all those numbers add up to a little break for me.  see you on monday.
mary

I'm linking up to Our Reflection's Meet and Tweet today--I did it for the first time last week and had so much fun! Come and join us!

pretend I did these.

I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I'm in a really good mood today.  Like I-might-be-on-drugs good mood, but without the drugs. 

Here's some stuff I'm currently loving on the internets:

-Scarves! Look what you can do with scarves!  There is nothing I don't love about a scarf.

-I dream about wearing this outfit now that it's so nice out.  I would leave the leggings off and hope the skirt is long enough.  These pastels just seem perfect right now.  Easter outfit, perhaps?

-Monday I picked up the girls' Easter dresses at The Children's Place.  Seersucker, rosettas, and matching dresses makes one happy mama.

(photo credit)

-Those tapes?  Magical.

-This weekend my little family did a some thrifting and picked up a few things all for a whopping $5.37.  The belt I'm wearing currently is one of said items (picture to come later).  Nice weather makes me want to thrift.  thrift.thrift.thrift.

-Tonight I get to see Jessica for a haircut.  It shouldn't take that long, but I try to drag it out as long as possible because I don't get to see her often enough.  And we always have lots to discuss. 

Still feeling giddy and silly even after finishing this post.  Yeeeeee!